Some Days…

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First Birthday!

Some days it’s selfish;

Some days it’s attention seeking;

Some days it’s so bitter the only way to survive is denial or escape;

Some days it’s so numbing you can’t tell the difference between joy and pain;

Some days it’s so loud the only thing you hear is the echo of death ringing in your ears;

Some days it gives you purpose;

Some days it comforts others;

Some days it’s a destructive whirlwind destroying everything in its path;

Some days it’s a dull headache;

Some days it’s debilitating neck pain;

Some days it’s gratitude for everything you got;

Some days it’s bitterness, a reminder of what you’ll never have and what you’ll never get;

Some days it’s pure love;

Some days it’s a cacophony of emotions competing in a loud and ugly serenade;

Some days it’s so quiet you can hardy tell it’s there;

Some days it’s a panic attack;

Some days it’s the sour remnants of PTSD;

Some days it’s contained by God-given coping skills;

Some days it’s a lump in your throat and pressure over your chest;

Some days it’s the horse pulling the carriage;

Some days it’s vice versa;

Some days it’s a shriek from the pit of your soul;

Some days it’s courage you didn’t know you had;

Some days it’s tears like a river;

Some days it’s a constant drip;

Some days it’s a desert;

Some days it’s grit;

Some day’s it’s beautiful humiliation;

Some day’s it’s ugly, ugly pride;

Some day’s it’s enervating fatigue;

Some days it’s a supernatural force brining creativity and productivity wherever it goes.

 

Some days it’s missing your baby boy, wishing you could hold him on his birthday.

 

I wouldn’t call this day, your day, happy, but it is a day of deep love, immense longing and reassurance that you are held, healed and well.

We love and miss you dear, Josiah.  Forever grateful for the gift we were given on the day you were born.


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